I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
