Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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