i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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