my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
