I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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