Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
