And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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