hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
