You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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