i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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