Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
