i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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