Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
