I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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