How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
