Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
