Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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