If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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