Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
