So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
