the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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