remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
