so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
