Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize