I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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