did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
