While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
