Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
