You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
