is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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