I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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