I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
