SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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