Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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