Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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