my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
