i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
