Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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