I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
