I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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