i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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