Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
