i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
