I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I want is dick and wine.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
