You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
