Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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