My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
