please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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