dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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