happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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