one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
