so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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