You're earring is so big in my mouth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
