I think my fart just growled at me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's shark week go big or go home
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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