I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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