Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
