You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
