Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
