the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
