Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
